i’m scared to journal

I’m scared to journal because it’s hard to keep up with what my mind has to say. I’m thinking of 7+ things to say next before I’m even finished with the sentence I’m currently writing. There was something I wanted to say just before that last sentence but I’ve already forgotten it. This is what I mean.

I think this impacts the rest of my life. This is what makes me so scared to align myself with who I truly am. Part of it at least. I feel God’s hands around my neck, glaring, as I beg for answers.

I feel stuck in ways I feel I can never transcribe. I think back to a dream I had as a child.

Wait — that one sentence came back to me:

The point of journaling is to put all those overwhelming thoughts in order so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming.

That sounded better in my head the first time around.

I think back to my dream as a child: I’m in my grandmother’s old houses garage. I’m stuck in between the fridge and the wall. The fridge and the wall squish me and I can’t really move. It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. Like hell.

I don’t remember waking up. Sometimes, I think I stayed there.